#38 Get a tattoo 7/23/2011

I have given a lot of though to this goal.  In fact I have thought about it for 26 years.  My friend Janet said it so well, I hope that I can explain it like she did:  When you are expecting a child you create hopes and dreams for that child and for your involvement with that child.  When things go wrong and you lose that child, for whatever reason, there is a void that can never be filled.  You are reminded of that void almost daily.  You're living children are tangible, you can call them, text them, or touch them.  Time lessens the pain but the void remains.  My friend Trina works with the M.I.S.S. foundation.  She has told me that many people get tattoos in memory of  their child to transfer the pain from within to an external memorial.  
That is what this goal is about memorializing my daughter in a tangible way that I can see everyday for the rest of my life.It is not about showing the world, it is about me and Sarah.  I have placed the tattoo in an area that is not visible except to people that I want to show.  Like I said I have thought about it for years, but I never had a design in mind.  One day I was on facebook on a high school classmate's page she had the design posted.  I knew the minute I saw it that it was exactly what I wanted.  I printed it out and taped it to my mirror so I could see it everyday.  It was taped there for months. 

I had a noon appointment at Jeff's Tattoo in St. Cloud.  Judy was my tattoo artist.  I have never had a tattoo before or even been to a tattoo parlor.  There was a little tweeking of the design, I wanted Sarah's name (in Hebrew) placed inside of the heart.  She had placed it above the heart.  We got down to business.  It did sting, at times it was very uncomfortable.  I liked that she would answer my questions, I always need to know what is going on.  She was very efficient and even with the time it took to finalize the design we were done in an hour.   The shading on my tattoo is a little different from the picture.  Judy showed me different shading options and I picked the one I liked.  Janet was there for the whole thing, I was grateful for the moral support.  The hardest part was not moving for the time that she was doing the tattooing.  I couldn't even laugh.  Now I have 2 weeks of special care (washing, and applying lotions) until it is completely healed.  Will I get another one?  I don't think I will, once is enough.