#38 Get a tattoo 7/23/2011

I have given a lot of though to this goal.  In fact I have thought about it for 26 years.  My friend Janet said it so well, I hope that I can explain it like she did:  When you are expecting a child you create hopes and dreams for that child and for your involvement with that child.  When things go wrong and you lose that child, for whatever reason, there is a void that can never be filled.  You are reminded of that void almost daily.  You're living children are tangible, you can call them, text them, or touch them.  Time lessens the pain but the void remains.  My friend Trina works with the M.I.S.S. foundation.  She has told me that many people get tattoos in memory of  their child to transfer the pain from within to an external memorial.  
That is what this goal is about memorializing my daughter in a tangible way that I can see everyday for the rest of my life.It is not about showing the world, it is about me and Sarah.  I have placed the tattoo in an area that is not visible except to people that I want to show.  Like I said I have thought about it for years, but I never had a design in mind.  One day I was on facebook on a high school classmate's page she had the design posted.  I knew the minute I saw it that it was exactly what I wanted.  I printed it out and taped it to my mirror so I could see it everyday.  It was taped there for months. 

I had a noon appointment at Jeff's Tattoo in St. Cloud.  Judy was my tattoo artist.  I have never had a tattoo before or even been to a tattoo parlor.  There was a little tweeking of the design, I wanted Sarah's name (in Hebrew) placed inside of the heart.  She had placed it above the heart.  We got down to business.  It did sting, at times it was very uncomfortable.  I liked that she would answer my questions, I always need to know what is going on.  She was very efficient and even with the time it took to finalize the design we were done in an hour.   The shading on my tattoo is a little different from the picture.  Judy showed me different shading options and I picked the one I liked.  Janet was there for the whole thing, I was grateful for the moral support.  The hardest part was not moving for the time that she was doing the tattooing.  I couldn't even laugh.  Now I have 2 weeks of special care (washing, and applying lotions) until it is completely healed.  Will I get another one?  I don't think I will, once is enough.

# 8 Make a bucket list 7/20/11

Since I was going to post the other things I had done, I decided to see if I could complete a goal today.  So in looking at the list I decided to write out a bucket list.  Some of these things overlap with my 101 goals.
1.  See the Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany.  This is the castle that Disney modeled the Disney world Cinderella castle after.  I have a soft spot for castles, dragons, fairies and all things fantasy.
2.  See the Colosseum in Rome.  As a bonus I may get to see Chiara, she was a foreign exchange student Jenni's senior year and they became very good friends.  She spent many hours at my house.
3.  Go to the Louvre.  As an Art major I have heard so much about this place that I can't imagine not seeing it.
4.  Have a picture (painting or photo) displayed in a gallery.  Another art major thing.
5.  Live in the country.  I miss the country, it's quietness and the space.
6.  Have a garden.  This goes hand in hand with the living in the country, right now I don't have the space to have a garden.  I have too many trees that block the sunlight that a garden would need .  I miss planting, watching the plants grow and produce.  I even miss weeding, just a little.  I have pots on my deck, but they don't mature due to the lack of space and sunlight.
7.  Get a German Shepherd dog.  Living in the city, it would be cruel to have a large dog that couldn't run and would have to be cooped up in a pen or in the house.  I have always wanted a German shepherd dog.  I think they are so beautiful.  If it is male I want to name him Gunther or Kaiser.  :)
8.  Move closer to my parents.  They are getting older and are in need of more help.  My brother does so much for them and I am so thankful that he does.  I would like to share the load.
9.  Go on another trip with my sister, Rachel.  I had a great time with her when we went to Australia.  I thought we traveled well together, I hope she thinks so too. I have MANY great memories of that trip.
10.  Go back to Australia and see the Great Barrier Reef and the Southern Cross.  Those were the two things that I would've like to see when we were in Australia that I didn't get to see. 

#7 Visit my Grandparents graves 7/16/11

This another goal copied off my sister's list.  This may sound like a morbid thing to do but with losing a child, it just makes sense to me.  My paternal grandparents are buried in the same cemetery as my daughter Sarah.  As a result I visit their graves briefly every time I go to Sarah's.  I try to make it back to the farm around Memorial Day and put a pot of flowers on Sarah's grave that stay there all summer.  My parents like to ride along and stop at Emma's and Otto's graves before we go to Sarah's.  After we are done with that cemetery we head over to the Taylor Cemetery to visit the graves of my Dad's grandparents.  Both of these cemeteries are within a mile (opposite directions) of my parent's farm.  I regret to say that have only visited my maternal grandparents graves once before this and that was when they were buried.  I was talking about this adventure to some friends and they thought it would make a great bike ride.  So off we went on our bikes on a misty Saturday morning.  It soon cleared up and became very hot.  The cemetery was a little hard to find, even with directions.  My Mom had given me descriptions and directions on how to find not only my grand parents but also both sets of great-grandparents from her side of the family (they are all buried in the same cemetery).  I did end up calling to clarify directions and found the sites.  I think that exceeded the expectations on this goal. I not only visited grandparents, but also 3 out of the 4 sets of great-grandparents also.  The last set is buried in Indiana, if I am ever down that way I will be sure to stop. 

#45 Go through my closet and get rid of 10 articles of clothing 7/12/11

I originally planned to go through my clothes in a very orderly fashion.   One night when I was putting away clean clothes I just started to pull out ones that I hadn't worn in over a year.  I surpassed the 10 mark and I know there are many more that need to be culled.  Some I can't throw for sentimental reasons (I get way too attached to objects, I know) others, it just doesn't seem to be the right timing. 

# 82 Do my optional Digital Photography booklet 6/5/11

I've been interested in photography for as long as I can remember.  To capture a moment in time and preserve that moment for all to see is a gift.  I got my first camera in high school (I think) and took many pictures of everything and anything.  I was thrilled to have the chance to use the high school darkroom (the same darkroom that my Dad used when he was in high school) to learn how to develop pictures.  I spent many hours in that small room with my friends.  The pictures weren't the best, but the thrill of watching them appear on the paper is still magic to me.  I took some photography classes in college, but had to drop them when I found out I was pregnant with Jason.  I was getting sick from the smell of the chemicals and wasn't sure how good those chemicals were for a developing baby.  So about 8 years ago I enrolled in another photography class through New York Institute of Photography.  It was a study at home course that you could take up to three years to complete.  I started out good and then about 2/3 rds of the way through life took over and I set it aside.  As the deadline approached I was determined to finish the course and I did with only weeks to spare.  As an option there was a digital pamphlet that we could complete.  This is the pamphlet that I completed on June 5th.  It was mostly about scanners and I didn't learn anything that I thought was useful, although it may prove useful down the road. 

# 20 Make 6 afghans for the NICU at Children's 6/1/2011

NICU stands for Newborn Intensive Care Unit.  My daughter Sarah was born 4 weeks premature.  She was rushed down to Children's Hospital in the Twin Cities.  Unfortunately after only 18 hours of life she passed away.  The people that work there have angel wings under their scrubs.  They were wonderfully supportive both that night and in the weeks after.  I used to donate money for teddy bears at Christmas time.  Then a daycare parent that volunteered in the NICU said that they accepted afghans.  I knew what my new project was. I have only donated two afghans to the NICU so far.  I have three more finished that haven't been sent, they will be sent with these six.  I have been crocheting since I was in the 3rd grade.  My best friend at the time Anna taught me how to make doll booties during the movie Bambi.  It is one of those snapshot moments, where you can remember exactly where you were and what you were doing.  Our third grade class had gathered in the school library for a movie, quite a treat for us.  Anna and I were at the back of the room (where there was light) whispering back and forth.  She had brought an extra crochet hook from home and extra yarn.  I know that my first attempt was not very good.  Over the years I have gotten much better and have been known to crank out a full size afghan in as little as 10 days.  I usually only work on afghans in the winter, they help to keep me warm while I am watching TV.  I really wanted to finish these, since they are smaller and quicker.  The last two were the solid color ones done with two strands of yarn.  My favorites are the round ones.  Mostly because they are different.  I think that they cover car seats better than the rectangle kind.  I also like to use bright colors instead of the pastels that are usually used for baby things. 

#22 buy a pair of capri's and wear them 10 times

Completed 6/4/2011

I don't like clothes that don't fit, although I have been known to wear things too tight.  Just ask my younger sister about the famous red satin pants.   Capri's (for me) fall into the category of ill-fitting clothes.  They are too short, high waders.  I wore pedal pushers as a child (I know I just dated myself), and hated them.  Mostly because they were my older sister's first (nothing against my sister).  Being the youngest of 4 children born with-in 4 years I grew up wearing hand-me-downs.  This was a necessary in our family due to finances and I did it with my kids as they were growing up.  Sometimes I would wait impatiently for a certain piece of clothing to make it to me.  The advantage of hand-me-downs is that they are broken in and very comfortable.  So that explains my aversion to capri's.  That and I think that they make most (not all) people who wear them look 'hippy'.  So in my search for capris I decided to go with a jean material that was tighter at the knees.  I thought this would make them seem less like high-waders to me.  Next was the sizing dilemma for me.  Gina happened to call as I was shopping.  I was told if they fit at the waist then they fit, so I bought a pair that seemed to fit.  The size down was too tight.  I think that they stretched in the wearing, because now I am constantly pulling them up and have tons of room in the waist.  I would love to tell you that I lost that much weight, but sadly not true. 
So, after wearing them 10 times, I have to admit that they are okay.  Days when it is too hot for pants, but too cool for shorts are perfect for capri's.  I am not going to run out and flood my closet with them ,but I am also not going to burn them in triumph (that I managed to wear them 10 times).  I'm glad that I chose the tighter ones around the knee.  I don't think I would've made it 10 times with the other ones.